A Moogle for a Heart
by x.The Talking Cave.x
Summary: An interesting encounter leaves YRP oogling at three random guys on the street. [deep trailer guy voice] Will this turn into a romance or just a passing fancy? A road trip brings out everyone's true colors..hide from Nooj o.o [end voice] GxR TxY BxP AU
1. No One Likes a Crappy Waitress

**Disclaimer - We own copies of the games, not the company. We're too cool for the company. Psh.**

**Author's Note - We're a threesome writing a fanfic, and we can't do summaries for crap, so just read it!**

7/27/07 - Fixed some grammar, and sentence structure problems.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was about two weeks ago when my dad, Cid, popped the question for me to get a job. Pfft, yeah right. I'm not called the Princess of the Al Bhed for nothing, and even if _I'm_ not rich, my dad has enough for all of us. All of us meaning himself, my psychotic overprotective brother, and me.

After much complaining on my part, Pops arranged for me to work at the Machine Faction. Even though it wasn't my first pick, I'm pretty good when it comes to machina, and I figured I didn't have much of a choice anyway. As I anticipated, Brother gave me the usual speech of being safe and all other things pertaining to safety itself. Some things never change, I suppose. He told me to stay away from the guys because they'll tell me anything I want to hear in order to take advantage of me. Right. Yes, Brother, I'll stay far away from all the guys.

Haha, that's funny.

When I arrived at the temple, where I'd be spending much more time than I desired, I was given a rushed tour and then assigned to the 'rookie squad'. It felt somewhat degrading at first, but I guess some things can't be helped.

Most of the people working at the faction were guys, which worked to my advantage quite well. You'd think that with the large selection it would be hard for any girl to choose, right?

Wrong. Dead wrong.

There was one guy every Al Bhed girl had her eyes on, and that was Gippal. He was arrogant, cocky, hot, had a 6-pack, and quite frankly the list could've gone on forever.

I guess the first time I ever actually saw him was when we bumped into each other. That, of course, had to be the day I was carrying tons and tons of little machina parts. Now that I think about it, that bump was a little too hard to be honestly considered an accident. I suppose one would say it was more like a shove.

After my precious machina pieces crashed all over the floor I half expected him to...oh, I don't know…_help?_ I just stood there glaring at him, but to no avail. Gippal made no effort to move, so I bent over to gather all my pieces when I felt his eyes burning on me. I glanced up to see him staring down my bikini top.

I was completely appalled and quickly stood up to meet his smirking face. "Heeello? Are you going to stop staring and help me or what?" I asked with my hands on my hips.

"Nah. The view's fine from up here."

_Well, at least he's honest, right?_ My face must've turned ten shades of red when I realized I had no way out of this, unless I planned to leave the parts sprawled all over the floor. But the workers needed them, and it's not in my nature to_ intentionally _let people down. I quickly bent over and grabbed as many pieces as I could before fast-walking away. I could hear Gippal's chuckling in the distance.

Not one of my better days.

Even after we became good friends, Gippal always made extreme efforts to tease me about everything and anything, and I teased him back. I guess it was playful banter. It all led up to Gippal asking me out, and it didn't take a second of thought for me to reply. What can I say? He's hot. But behind it all I knew he was genuinely sweet when he tried hard enough - 'tried' being the key word there. All that remained to think about were the vicious rumors that constantly surrounded him about all the girls he screwed over.

I knew I could change him, though.

So here I am, at the Machine Faction where I've been working for the past couple months. I'm on my way to Gippal's room so I can give him the gift I so graciously bought for him. It's this cute little blue moogle and even if he doesn't like it, I'm sure he'll pretend to in order to make me happy.

On the side of it I put a little tag:

To: Gippy

From: Cid's Girl

P.S. I love you

Yes, I'm going to tell him that I love him. Hopefully this is the night I can get my first kiss. Well, definitely not the first kiss. Just the first from him. I'm so nervous I can barely walk straight, let alone actually talk. I guess I'm just worried about how he'll react; I just hope he feels the same.

Rounding the corner, I observe that his door is slightly ajar. Weird.

Peering my head inside, I can see that his room is dimly lit. I slowly push the door open with my finger, and I hear occasional moans and grunts. I raise my eyebrow and that's when it hits me like a punch in the face.

I can see Gippal and another girl I've never met making out on his couch. They are completely swapping spit the entire time I'm standing here. Tongues are involved, and hands are everywhere. The girl is playing with Gippal's hair, and then I see them fall off the couch with a loud thump. Apparently that won't stop them.

I cover my mouth with my hand so I won't scream, and I swiftly run from the doorway. Putting my back against the wall, I cradle the moogle to my chest while I cry silently. A tear falls down my cheek and onto the moogle's tag, causing the ink to smudge and eventually nothing is readable. All that remains is a "G" from 'Gippy', and a "C" from 'Cid's Girl'.

Through my puffy and strained eyes I notice someone turning on a lamp on inside his bedroom. I drop the moogle and run, afraid of someone becoming aware of my presence.

Eventually I reach my room, I pack my bags and get ready to leave the next morning. There's no way I can stay here.

Early the next morning I gather my belongings and sulk to Gippal's room. I walk inside to find him sleeping peacefully in his bed. I brush a piece of hair out of his face and kiss his nose before putting my note on his bed stand.

In the note, I said there was a family emergency which required my full attention, and I had to quit the faction. I told him we should probably split up since we would be apart for some time. It hurt to leave like this, but there was nothing I could do.

He betrayed me, and I have to move on. I walk slowly down the path away from the faction, a single tear rolling down my cheek. I quickly flick it away and continue on.

(six months later)

-YRP's POV-

In a coffee shop in Luca, Rikku stared half-heartedly out the window. It was extremely crowded due to the lunch hour traffic. The tiny shop was overflowing with people, and every single purple chair was taken up by a butt. Whether the butt would be big or small was anyone's guess.

Waitresses were bustling about, attempting to fill people's orders and knocking over a few cups of coffee in the process. One waitress mumbled an apology before speeding away, chucking a cold jelly doughnut at Rikku's plate. It bounced off and flew into her lap, jelly exploding out of it and staining her skirt. Paine looked up from her X-Core Fighting Skills magazine to spare Rikku a glance. She lifted an eyebrow, expecting some outburst from the Al Bhed, but none came.

Yuna drummed her fingers on the table, listening to her Real Emotion concert on her iPod. She was so into it that she began to mimic her dance moves. When it got to "I can hear you," she extended her arm, pointed her finger, and swung it across the table. By doing so she knocked over Rikku's coffee which spilled onto the floor.

Rikku hadn't noticed any of these things until she heard Paine swearing as the last of the coffee dripped onto the floor. Snapping out of her daydream, she looked down and saw the splatter of jelly on her skirt. Looking back up at Paine, her eyes brimmed with tears. She pointed at her skirt and asked, "How could you do this to me?"

Paine replied coolly, "Don't blame it on me."

Yuna took the iPod headphones out of her ears, immediately springing up to help the aggravated waitress clean up the spill. Rikku's attention turned from her jelly-infested skirt to her coffee, now splattered all over the floor. She yanked at her hair and wailed, "Hey, I paid six whole dollars for that coffee!"

Paine's simple response was, "Boo… hoo. -.-"

As the waitress stood to throw out the Styrofoam cup, Rikku shouted at her, "Hey buster, we need a new coffee over here, on the double!"

The waitress raised an eyebrow and sneered, "We don't cover that, ma'am." She practically spit out the last word.

Rikku made a fist and prepared to lunge at the waitress, but Yuna held her back.

With her range of movement limited, Rikku shouted, "You'd better give me that coffee, or I'll - I'll -" She drew a blank. Stuttering, she finished, "Well, I don't know, but whatever it is, it'll be bad!… missy." She spat out 'missy' in the same tone she'd received from the waitress.

Yuna shifted uneasily and tried to think of something comforting to say. With the Al Bhed's fury still raging, Paine reached across the table, grabbed a chunk of Rikku's hair, and sharply tugged it.

"Owwie!" Rikku arched her back, giving in to the pull on her braids. Paine wrapped her hand more tightly around Rikku's hair, and guided her to the seat beside her. Rikku reluctantly sat next to the warrior.

She slammed her fist on the table and pouted, and repeated her request for someone to get her new coffee.

"Rikku, I… really don't think you should drink anymore coffee," Yuna said, trying to stifle a laugh but at the same time somewhat concerned.

"Oh, but Yunie...I NEED this coffee. If I don't drink it, I might get crazy or do something stupid." Rikku whined.

"Too late," Paine responded, while bringing her own cup closer to her and away from Rikku's greedy eyes.

"Fine, you're all just a big bunch of mean, meanie heads!" She tried her fake sob even though she knew no one was going to break, especially Paine. Then again, Yuna was a big softie at heart.

The summoner quickly cracked at the sight of Rikku's pitiful attempt, and went off to get the coffee her cousin needed oh so much. As she passed by the waitress, she said sarcastically, "Thank you so much for your help."

The woman, so accustomed to being overly polite, turned around with a 'I don't really wanna be here but I'm smiling 'cause I'm being paid' smile. "You're very welcome! …. Oh, it's you." Her face immediately turned into -.- upon contact with the summoner's face.

Yuna tilted her head and flashed a cocky smile before gracefully walking away in triumph. She arrived at the counter and purchased a new coffee for her deprived friend. She walked back to the silent table and plopped Rikku's 'life support' in front of her. The Al Bhed didn't appear to notice, but instead seemed to be lost in another world. Yuna sat down and looked curiously at Rikku, then tried to get Paine's attention. The warrior was intently examining her magazine, even after the summoner's many attempts. Yuna sighed and tried clearing her throat extremely loud. Nothing.

She tried waving her arms, making faces, and even fake coughs. Still nothing.-.-

Yuna slowly inched her arm across the table toward Paine's plate of food which consisted of a hamburger and French fries.

If Paine is really as engaged in her magazine as it looks, she won't notice if I steal that little burnt fry…will she?

Yeah, right. As soon as the French fry was lifted from the plate, Paine's eyes flew up and she grabbed Yuna's hand mid-air. "Give...it…back…NOW." As she said this, the whole restaurant fell silent as eyes fell on the three friends. Feeling the gazes of all the people, Paine plucked the fry from Yuna's grasp, and popped it in her mouth expecting the golden goodness.

CRUNCH…CRUNCH..CRUNCH…

The French fry did not taste as anticipated, and on the contrary, was quite bad. But because of the audience she had, Paine forced it down and tried to act like she didn't just swallow a piece of charcoal.

Now disappointed by the lack of a show, the customers resumed their meals of fat and grease. And coffee….can't forget the coffee.

Now that Yuna had finally gotten Paine's attention, she tilted her head towards Rikku while raising an eyebrow.

Paine smiled evilly, rolled up her magazine, and smacked Rikku on the top of her head.

The Al Bhed flung out of her trance and covered her head with her arms. Slowly turning her face toward her attacker, she gave Paine the 'I'm gonna kill you look' before sticking her tongue out and laughing.

All who knew Rikku well enough would see right through that fake laugh and smile.

Yuna tilted her head towards Rikku several times, trying to signal for Paine to begin the 'pep talk'.

Paine took in a deep breath, which Yuna took as a sign that conversation would start. She beamed with joy while nodding her head…..

….

….

Paine exhaled and said quite plainly, "…………….no."

Yuna's face drooped into -.- and she sighed, "Oh fine, I'll just do it." Turning to Rikku, she put on an encouraging smile and asked, "What's wrong?"

Rikku frowned and replied sadly, "I have to tell you guys something." She put her chin in her hand and as she set her elbow down on the table, it conveniently landed on an open mustard packet.

In a matter of seconds, the packet had completely emptied it's contents on Paine's clothing.

Paine looked down at her shirt and saw the yellow glob. She slowly lifted her head and glared at Rikku.

Rikku could easily read the glare as 'I'm gonna hurt you, and I'm gonna hurt you baaad. Start running.' Deciding to get a head start, she scrambled on her hands and knees to get out of the booth. Sliding in next to Yuna, Rikku tried hiding her face behind her cousin in an attempt to block Paine's fury.

Paine lunged fully across the table, not even caring about the various plates of food that were bound to get her dirtier. As she did this, one of the cups of coffee went sailing through the air and came crashing down on Yuna's lap.

The intense burning sensation caused her to jump up in shock and she slammed into an unsuspecting customer passing by. This in turn caused a chain reaction of falling people. Cups went flying, plates smashed on the floor, waitresses screamed, and tables overturned.

In a nutshell, it was not nice.

During those few seconds, the entire restaurant had been trashed, destroyed… whatever makes you happy. It was total chaos, okay?

The trio remained stunned as various people groaned, trying to pick themselves up but failing miserably.

Rikku stumbled backwards, stepping on someone's face. Much to her delight, she discovered it was the waitress from before. She tapped her finger on her chin and pretended to be in deep thought. "Noooooope, not apologizing." She stuck her tongue out and let the spit fly.

She turned around, her tongue still in its stuck-out position, and came face to face with the only man still standing: the manager.

Oops.

He glared down at her, his face beet red.

"Hehe…. Funny story, really…" she stammered, blushing.

He slowly raised his arm, pointing at the door without saying a word.

She took the hint and hung her head shamefully. Rikku walked away from the destruction, making her way to the door, and was followed by Yuna and Paine.

They sat down on the curb, thinking about whether they could ever show their faces in the café again…. if it was repaired. Eh heh.

After the long pause, Rikku broke the silence by asking, "Can I tell you noooow?"

Yuna nodded and looked at Rikku, ready to listen. Paine glanced down at her ruined outfit before nodding as well.

"Well, uh, there's this… guy, and, um……"

Yuna and Paine raised their eyebrows, exchanged glances, and whispered a soft, "Oooooo…!"

Rikku blushed and started to tell her tale of woe.

-two hours, forty-seven minutes, and thirteen seconds later-

"….and that's about it!"

Paine had fallen asleep and was slumped on Yuna's shoulder while the summoner had the most dazed look you could possibly have. Still, she continued to nod absently as she attempted to appear conscious.

"Hellooooo? Yunie? Dr P?" Rikku asked as she waved a hand in front of their faces.

"Huh?" Paine mumbled. "Oh, uh, that was… touching."

Yuna smiled apologetically. "I'm sure he didn't mean it… right? It was probably just his, uh, cousin coming into town… or something."

Rikku jumped up and waved her arms around, screaming, "Weren't you even LISTENING?!"

Paine replied, "Well, not really. Sorry."

"Rikku, you have a tendency to.. exaggerate, babble, etc. It gets hard to focus sometimes," Yuna added.

Rikku slumped her head in despair and mumbled, "Basically, it was all a mistake - but I guess I can't really be mad at him."

She sat back down on the curb and smiled, saying, "I give up on you guys." She noticed Paine staring off somewhere and nudged her. "Hey, whatcha looooking at?"

"Them." She nodded her head towards the three guys that nobody had noticed until now. "See them?… Guys? -" She glanced over at the two gawking girls and rolled her eyes.

"We see 'em all right," Yuna whispered, dazed. By this time they had already passed by, so they were watching their retreating backs. (Not that it was a bad view.)

Rikku jumped up and grinned. "Let's follow them, Yunie! Painie, come on!"

Yuna seemed pleased with the idea, but Paine stood up slowly and said, "I thought I warned you about calling me that in public."

"Nope, didn't hear that one!" Rikku attempted a secret spy wall-slink, and Yuna did the same.

Paine sighed and followed at a safe distance.

-Yuna's POV-

As she followed them, she scoped the guys out. (It's an art, I'm telling ya.)

The first guy was wearing faded blue jeans with a semi-tight black T-shirt. His hair was a spikey blonde mass that seemed to contain quite a lot of hair gel. From the angle, she could tell he was wearing dark-tinted sunglasses. His suave walk was a bit too arrogant for her taste; a perfect fit for Rikku.

Her eyes drifted to the far right where a darker-skinned man was walking. His silver hair slightly flipped up in the front. He was standing up straight, but still trying to act casual. He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt with a collar, but the sleeves were neatly rolled up to his elbows. His pants were khaki slacks. He seemed too dressed up for Yuna.

She was especially drawn to the man in the middle, who she'd left for a double take. He wore a tan hoodie and a pair of dark blue jeans, frayed at the bottoms, with Adidas sandals. His bright blonde hair was in short, spikey layers. To put it simply, Yuna thought he was very attractive.

-Paine's POV-

The one in the middle she'd never seen before, but the other two were old friends. The one walking on the left had the cocky nature that only one guy could ever pull off.

The one on the right… She liked how a strand of silver hair not included in the mass flopped again the side of his head every time he took a step.

"Wait… no, no, no." She mentally slapped herself for thinking that.

-Rikku's POV-

Rikku scanned all three of them, but immediately stuck with the first guy. She found her jaw dropping as she studied his appearance - which was a very nice view, by the way. Something seemed slightly familiar… but it couldn't have been too important, or she would've remembered.

His sexy walk seemed to say, "I'm too good for you," and Rikku loved it. Apparently so did tons of other girls; they weren't the only ones following the guys now.

Poopie.

-Guys' POV-

The 'Backstreet Boys' were cruising down the street, enjoying the attention they were receiving.

One girl ran in front of them and locked eyes with Tidus. Giggling, she asked, "How 'bout lunch at the diner?"

Gippal, obviously angry at the lack of fan girls around him, stepped in front of Tidus and said, "Hey, don't look at him, look at me!" while making hand gestures at his 'hotness'. At first Tidus was appalled, but he knew Gippal wouldn't come off it… he never does. -.- He resorted to making bunny ears behind his head.

The girl looked him up and down, shrugged, and walked away. Gippal looked devastated, pointing at his hair and yelling, "THIS TOOK THREE HOURS TO GEL! GET BACK HERE!"

Baralai laughed and patted Gippal's shoulder. "Just wait, there'll be more of them… there always are. -.-"

"Get off me, 'Lai. They'll think I'm gay."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N - You loved that chapter, didn't you? Oh yeah. You know it.**

**You know the suspense is going to KILL you while you're waiting. And… you might wait for a while. But that's okay, because you loved this so much you'll read it over and over and over and over!**

**It takes us a while because it's three people writing and there's too many ideas floating around in our empty heads.**

**Please review because it makes us warm and fluffy inside like marshmallows. Don't be a lazy butt and take two seconds to write three words. For example, "I love it" would DEFINITELY suffice…. Eh heh. You know you wanna say it.**

**Long author's note. Love to all you readers and FREE HUGS!… Or money. Money's better.**

**R&R!**

**-The Talking Cave (don't ask)**


	2. Someone's Got it Bad This Month

**Author's Note: Yay, another chapter! Can't really say much except to read it. Like we said in the last chapter, we can't write summaries for crap, SO READ!**

**First and foremost, we must thank the lufferly reviewers who kept us going at two a.m.**

**ThePirateJilt – OUR FIRST REVIEWER! WHOOOO! xD No, Tidus, Gippal and Baralai aren't the Backstreet Boys, but that's okay because they're so out anyway. (Just kidding kinda sorta not really eh heh)**

**Milk tea with soy bean – Hoot/Bubbles is obsessed with RikkuxGippal, but it's a blend of all three couples. (Tuna, Gikku, Paralai) Each of us pretty much focuses on one couple, so it's all good. xD**

**Dragontwin – Thanks for all the feedback on the first chapter. YRP pretty much followed them for their good looks (that's not shallow… right?). We actually changed this chapter around a bit to try and clear things up, thanks to your advice. It really helped and we appreciate it.**

**ONWARD HO!**

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Paine's POV-

_Why are we stalking these people? I'm their friend… or at least with two of them. I could just walk up and say "Hi"._ _But at this point, our friendship status isn't that high; it'd be like saying hi to that person you did the 'friendly wave' to as you cut in front of them on the highway last month._

_And besides, Rikku and Yuna are having too much fun._

-Yuna's POV-

_I hope we don't look stupid stalking these guys. All the other girls are doing it, why can't I? Like from that movie Madagascar, when Marty says, "The penguins are doing it, so why can't I?"_

_Why ARE we stalking them, anyway? Oh yeah. They're hot. End of story. Period. We're moving on. Stat. Pronto. Today. _

-Rikku's POV-

_WHY AREN'T WE MOVING FASTER?! ANOTHER GIRL IS GONNA **MARRY** HIM BY THE TIME WE CATCH UP!_

-YRP's POV-

Rikku continued her stalking walk and sidestepped over to Paine. She whispered, "Where do you think they're going?"

Paine raised an eyebrow. "Why are you whispering?"

"Because they'll hear us!" Rikku stated, as if it were completely obvious.

"-.- They are forty. Feet. Away. They can't eavesdrop - and besides, their mob of floozies will keep them occupied for at least five minutes."

"Be quiet, you two; I can't hear him anymore!" Yuna whispered urgently.

"Not you too with the whispering." Paine rolled her eyes.

Rikku opened her mouth to retort, but she noticed the guys were no longer in sight. "PAAAAIIIINE! Look what you did, you made me lose them!" She stomped her foot while looking to Yuna for backup.

"They turned the corner. Come on, they're getting away!" Yuna took off and forced her way through the mob of floozies so she could get closer.

"When in doubt, fit in!" Rikku exclaimed happily, bouncing into the crowd.

Paine contemplated whether or not to stoop to her friends' level. She decided on avoiding the flow of girly-girls and walked in the middle of the street 'cause she's cool like that. Many of the cars behind her honked angrily but it didn't faze her in the least.

-Yuna and Rikku's POV-

Rikku pushed past yet another almost-drooling girl and saw Yuna's… unique hairstyle up ahead. Catching up to her cousin, she said, "How goes the mission?"

"They're about ten feet ahead of us, so KEEP IT DOWN OR THEY'LL HEAR US!"

All the mindless chatter stopped, and the three guys turned their heads, glancing back to see the cause for the sudden silence.

Yuna scratched the back of her head with the 'eh heh..' face, saying the first thing that came to mind - which unfortunately was pretty stupid. "We're the Luca Pizza delivery girls… but we ate your pizza. But I think we have your w - oh, no, we ate the wings too. Do I still get a tip?"

Rikku, in her state of panic, grabbed the arm of the nearest girl and pushed her forward. Rikku then yelled, "She did it! SHE ATE IT, I TELL YOU! I need this tip to help pay for new… uh… soap. Y'know, the scented kind. It's a girl thing! -giggle-"

Yuna overheard two ditzy girls whispering, "What's soap?"

"O.O Rikku, uh, we're needed back at the Laundromat, 'cause that's where we work. I mean - no, no, the pizza shop. Pizza. Riiiight."

The guys were giving them the most confused and dumbfounded looks, though beneath it they were probably having those sick and wrong thoughts only a guy could have - especially Gippal. It might've been Rikku's lack of clothing or Yuna's innocent, 'I-didn't-do-it' smile.

-YRP's POV-

Whatever it was, the cousins ran into the nearest alleyway, which was probably the last place a pizza shop would be, but they faked it anyway. They scanned the crowd for Paine and found her leading a train of backed-up, honking cars down the street. She was smirking like it was the best thing since sliced bread.

Catching her friends' eyes, Paine yelled, "What, you messed up already?"

"Can't you see we're trying to work here!? These pizzas don't make themselves, ya know!" Rikku flipped a trash can lid over and pretended to sprinkle cheese, while Yuna picked up a banana peel and pretended it was a chef hat.

Paine was so ashamed.

She observed from her vantage point in the street that the crowd of girls had died down to a minimum. She also saw the unknown blondie open a door for the two men she recognized.

They were heading for a gym, and a very expensive one. Paine knew the three of them weren't going to be getting in very easily.

Yuna and Rikku snuck out of the alley and followed the dwindling crowd to the gym entrance, where the rest of the girls went their separate ways. This left YRP reunited and staring through the glass at the three guys, who were casually talking to the person at the desk.

Rikku assumed a super-secret spy voice and said, "Y, R, P, in position. We're going in." -James Bond background music-

Their first attempt at getting in was through the back door - because obviously, every building has a back door. But, as expected, it was locked.

Paine rubbed her hands together, pointed at the door and said, "Open Sesame!"

Yuna stared open-mouthed at Paine's stupidity. (Usually Rikku had enough for all of them.)

"O.O WHAT CRACK ARE YOU ON AND WHY AREN'T YOU SHARING?!" Rikku yelled, nearly blowing their cover - if anyone had been around.

Paine laughed - genuinely laughed (a rare sight; where are news reporters when you need them?).

Yuna asked, "Does anyone have one of those lasers disguised as a pen in their back pocket? They always do in movies!"

-cricket, cricket-

"…no."

"Aw, darn. Would've come in handy."

There was a very long and awkward pause before Yuna added, "Well, that's all I've got."

"Anyone up for climbing?" Rikku asked, looking at the fire escape.

"Not… particularly," Paine replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't give me that look! YOU said 'Open Sesame'!"

Neither of them had noticed that Yuna had taken the initiative of climbing the fire escape ladder and was already halfway to the roof. "Come on, slowpokes!" she yelled down with a laugh.

Rikku raced to the ladder and began climbing while Paine followed. Just to annoy the warrior, Rikku went especially slow.

"Yoor scarth ith in by bouf," Paine mumbled.

"What? Come again?" Rikku called down cheerfully, though she could guess the answer.

There was an odd noise as Paine spit something out. She yelled up, "Your scarf was in my mouth!"

Rikku pulled it up to her level and examined the tips of the fabric, which were damp. "Eww, Dr P, keep your spit in your mouth, please! Just 'cause you don't have a guy to share it with doesn't mean I want it!"

Paine actually blushed, but at least there were no witnesses. "Just keep climbing."

They reached the top and found an annoyed-looking Yuna. "Took you long enough. Sometime before my outfit is outdated would be nice. Puh-leeease." She waited a second before asking, "What were you arguing about, anyway?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," Rikku replied with a smirk.

"How many times can you argue about tacos??"

"Rikku is always the one who brings it up," Paine said in her defense. "It doesn't matter, because we know who always wins those arguments."

"Yeah. Me." Rikku flipped her hair casually.

"That wasn't who I had in mind. -.-"

"Come on, you two. Let's go after those boys! But the blondie is sooo mine," Yuna said.

"o.o He is NOT! I CALL HIM," Rikku said, exasperated.

"WHAT?!"

"Guys, there are two blonde ones, you know. Take your pick," Paine stated.

"I get the one with the hoodie!" Yuna said while shooting a glance at Rikku.

"I didn't want him anyway. Pfft."

Yuna's face got all red like when we accidentally dropped a glass of cranberry juice on Moon's face and she got a fat lip. Trust me, that one BLOOOODY fat lip.

The three girls had now managed to successfully reach the roof of the building.

– Final Fantasy victory theme-

"Phase two of Operation… um… what should we name this?" Yuna inquired.

"Operation Pain-In-My-Butt?" Paine asked with a smirk.

"Operation… uh…" Rikku looked around at her surroundings for inspiration. "Operation Trees?"

(We know what you're thinking – there aren't trees on a roof.)

"What? –points to zen garden- Eeeeeevery roof has a zen garden!"

Yuna and Paine pointedly ignored this suggestion and continued trying to come up with ideas.

-Jeopardy thinking music-

-fifteen minutes, thirty-eight seconds later-

"Does it _really_ matter?" Paine asked sarcastically.

"Well, I guess not; let's get goi –-" Yuna was interrupted by the sound of a door opening – a door that they had surprisingly not noticed for the twenty minutes they'd been up there. -.-

A maintenance worker emerged from the doorway and went to water the plants in the zen garden. Afraid of their appearance being detected, the three girls split up to hide. It's like in hide-and-go-seek when the seeker is down to five seconds and you haven't hidden yet – you've been strategically locating the hiding place with the highest probability of success. In the realization that you've got five seconds to hide, that's when you freak out and run to the most obvious spot only to be the first person found. And we all know that feeling; it sucks.

Paine rushed to a palm tree (IT'S A VERY UNIQUE ZEN GARDEN, OKAY?!) and attempted to climb it – but you can't climb palm trees because they don't have branches, so she grabbed a coconut and held it in front of her face.

Yuna attempted to dive into the goldfish pond, which she had not noticed was only four feet long and one foot deep. (Aww.) She smashed her knuckles against the concrete bottom, goldfish flying everywhere, and her legs sticking straight up in the air.

Rikku ran towards the larger of the two 'ponds', not seeing the sign that clearly read, "Exotic crocodile exhibit. Known to be extremely vicious when the smell of humans is closer than 600 kilometers away. Pet at your own risk. And remember, wash your hands when you're finished!" (This is a very, VERY, VERY UNIQUE ZEN GARDEN. Get over it.) She stepped into the water, which was three feet deep at her end. She sat down cross-legged and looked frantically around for a form of concealment. She grabbed the nearby lily pad and slammed it down on her head. What a sight.

Luckily for all of them, the maintenance guy had just gotten laser eye surgery and couldn't see two feet in front of him for the next 24 hours. (Is it safe be on the roof when you can't see to save your life?)

With his watering can in hand, the maintenance guy went first to Paine's area of the garden. He mistook her for the new sculpture of the ancient naked Hawaiian goddess they had ordered from a magazine (What kind of magazine is THAT?) and passed on by.

He went to feed the goldfish, and if he had been able to see he would've noticed that there were no fish in the pond thanks to Yuna. At the moment they were flailing on the side, gasping for water. At the sight of her legs – which many guys would find very attractive – he assumed they were the rare pond reeds they had imported from Indonesia.

When he got to the crocodile pond, he marveled at how the lily pad had grown so far out of the water; it must have been the Miracle Grow!

Meanwhile, tired from standing for so long, Paine stumbled backwards and slammed into the palm tree, which caused it to unleash its awesome coconut-power upon the unsuspecting warrior. Several coconuts rolled to where the worker was… uh, working.

He was done pulling the weeds and started to walk away but stepped on one of the coconuts. It broke open and the milk squirted into his eyes. "AAAH! IT BURNS!" he yelled. Temporarily blinded – even worse than he already was – he aimlessly wandered around and started moving towards Paine (and her awesome hiding place).

Paine, now alarmed at being discovered, cringed as the maintenance guy came closer and smacked his forehead against the coconut she had been holding.

Now suffering a severe blow to the head, he stumbled backwards right into Yuna's legs. This caused him to trip yet again and now he went flying towards Rikku. His face landed on top of her lily pad and he swallowed the lily whole. There had been recorded cases of lily poisoning, but in this specific incident the poison reacted within seconds. (That's not normal!)

With all of this happening at once, he eventually faltered towards the edge of the roof and plummeted towards the ground. He landed in a big bin of rotting cantaloupes that the seller had been trying to con people into buying.

The three girls, completely oblivious to what they had caused, emerged from their 'hiding' places. The sound of distant sirens filled their ears, but they shrugged it off. (It happens alllllll the time… right?)

(I bet you're wondering why Rikku wasn't mauled by crocodiles… well, they had laser nose surgery and their nostrils could only smell two feet away for the next 24 hours. Does that sound familiar? It's supposed to.)

"Where did that guy go?" Rikku wondered, wiping crocodile poo off her butt 'cause that was just her luck.

"Don't worry about him, I'm sure he's fine! Let's just get inside and find the guys!" Yuna said with enthusiasm.

Paine shrugged and walked through the door, pocketing the coconut as a souvenir. Rikku and Yuna followed closely behind.

Now on the second floor of the gym, the trio saw the girls' locker room. Rikku attempted to kick the door open but it didn't budge.

"Too many Jackie Chan movies, Rikku," Yuna said while shaking her head.

"Why don't we try it this way?" Paine reached over and turned the knob, opening the door. "Who would've guessed? –gasp-"

"Meanie! I was just trying to be creative!" Rikku said with a pout. "At least I HAVE some."

"You can't let creativity get in the way of your common sense. Or maybe you don't even have any common sense."

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do NOT!"

"I so do TOO!"

"Psh, do NOT!"

"Quit kidding yourself, I do too!"

"Give it a REST already, you do not!"

"DO TOO!"

"Do too!" Paine said, switching her tactics. She was ready for victory!

"DO NOT!"

"Ha! I win!" Paine said while pointing at Rikku and laughing.

"Oh, that's for five-year-olds!"

"So you're going to admit that Mr. Snuffly Bear sucks now, are you?"

"Don't you DARE take Mr. Snuffly Bear's name in vain! TAKE THAT BACK!"

Paine was thoroughly enjoying herself, but unfortunately her glory was short-lived as Yuna reappeared, bags of gym clothes in her hands.

"Are you two done yet?" Yuna said while shoving two bags of clothes at them. "Those three guys could've walked by and you wouldn't have even noticed!"

"Oh, believe me, Yunie, I would have _so_ noticed."

"I bet you would've. -.-" Paine took her bag from Yuna and looked inside. She grabbed the clothes out and stared at them. "…They're… pink."

Rikku grabbed the bag Yuna had shoved in her face and looked inside as well. "Ooo, green!" she said, giggling.

Yuna took her own bag and removed the clothes. "Um… anyone wanna trade?" she asked, holding up the black outfit.

"ME." Paine lunged and snatched it from Yuna, shoving the pink into her friend's arms.

"Thanks, Paine. I wouldn't wanna walk into the gym looking like death itself."

"-.- Anytime, Yuna."

All three outfits were identical except for the colors: a tank-top and sweatpants with a white stripe running along the outside of each leg.

"O.O Maybe we should put this bag back in the locker room…" Paine said warily.

"Why?" Rikku and Yuna asked in unison.

"There's… something in it," Paine said while gritting her teeth.

Rikku bounced forward, saying, "Oh, it can't be _that_ bad – OHMYGOD."

Yuna walked cautiously toward the bag and peered inside as if it might blow up in her face. She gulped before saying, "Someone's got it BAD this month!" The gym bag was completely packed with every girl's best friend – the monthly pad. -.-

"Ya think? It's completely filled!" Paine hastily tried to stuff them all back in. She attempted to zip up the bag but the zipper got jammed due to the overflowing contents, and it would only close half way.

"-.- Perrrrrfect," Yuna said sarcastically.

"Well, what am I supposed to do now? I can't walk around with… with THIS!" Paine said while lifting the bag up and gesturing at it.

"Put it back or something!" Rikku said, scanning the hallway for witnesses.

Paine did a double-take of the area before running for the locker room door. No matter how much she jiggled the knob, it wouldn't open. Rikku and Yuna were waiting impatiently by the stairs and widened their eyes at the sight of the forbidden bag.

"Well?" Yuna asked questioningly.

"I think we have a problem… like a BIG problem." Paine tried to keep the exposed end of the bag hidden from view.

"Well, we'll just have to improvise!" Rikku stated.

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO HAS TO CARRY THIS BAG AROUND!" Paine shouted.

"Do you LIKE attracting attention to yourself?" the Al Bhed asked.

"Just shut up and tell me how we're gonna do this."

"Well…" she started, tapping her chin with her finger.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well this is great. -.-" Yuna commented.

Rikku's genius plan was for herself and Yuna to constantly smush themselves against the exposed part of the bag, keeping it hidden from view – or at least trying to.

Paine was in front, holding the bag while Rikku and Yuna were behind her on either side of it, acting like the Secret Service.

"This isn't gonna work out." Yuna glanced at their 'precious cargo'. "We need to get this zippered."

"Yunie, you hold the bag and I'll pull the zipper!" Rikku got into position as well as Yuna.

"Do you mind not doing this _right here_?" Paine whispered as she nodded her head towards the main desk, which they conveniently happened to be standing next to. The guy at the desk was looking at them while raising an eyebrow. Rikku smiled innocently at him and he looked away. His expression clearly said, "I don't get paid enough for this."

They tried to side-step away, but because they were all holding the bag they needed to walk at the same time. Of course, nobody is that coordinated, so as expected the bag flopped onto the floor.

The trio spun around and looked cautiously at the people in the lobby. They stood in a row, trying to create a wall that blocked the bag from view. As the customers continued to pass by, Rikku smiled one of those over-exaggerated, extra-creepy-happy smiles. Through her teeth she said, "What do we do now?"

Yuna quickly copied the smile and whispered back, "I have no idea. But just so you know, Rikku, this is your fault."

Rikku continued her smile (which would be frightening to any ten-year-old) and kicked her cousin in the shin.

Paine copied her two friends and smiled freakishly as well. Her mouth hurt from the unused smiling muscles being put to work. "Why are we smiling again?" she asked, looking to Rikku.

Rikku dropped her smile and shrugged, a serious look on her face. "I have no idea."

"o.o Okay then," Paine replied. "Just get it zippered."

Yuna grabbed the bag and dashed off when the flow of people had died down, and Rikku followed closely behind. It was a difficult task but after many failed attempts (due to Yuna dropping the bag, Rikku smacking Yuna in the face, etc.) they finally got it shut. They returned to where Paine was standing rather impatiently and held up the zippered bag like a trophy.

"Ohh yeah!" Yuna exclaimed triumphantly, pumping her fist in the air.

"Who's yo MOMMA?!" Rikku yelled, dancing in circles.

In response to their gloating, Paine grabbed the bag from their hands and said, "It couldn't have been that difficult."

"Yuk it up all you want, Paine. You know who's got it goin' on," Rikku said while pointing at herself.

"Hey, what about me? I've got it goin' on too, ya know!" Yuna exclaimed in her defense.

"Oh yeah, you too."

"-.- Thaaanks."

Paine rolled her eyes and said, "Can we just go, please? They probably left by now."

"They wouldn't DARE leave without seeing me!" Rikku marched proudly into the main room of the gym with all the equipment – and buff sweaty guys.

She was met with this lovely sight and for a second completely forgot who she was looking for; that is, until Paine smacked her in the face.

After the slap, Rikku stood dumbfounded as Yuna walked by laughing. "You get distracted way too easily!"

Paine and the summoner continued walking through the gym and Rikku (eventually) caught up. All three stopped dead as they saw the guys they'd been stalking all afternoon working out.

Tidus had removed his sweatshirt to reveal the white t-shirt. He was currently showing off his strength on the bench press with Baralai spotting him. Gippal was lifting barbells close by.

Rikku noticed that one of the guys – the one who'd had the cocky walk – seemed reallllly familiar; maybe almost too familiar. But who cares?

"You know that blonde one is so hot!" Rikku whispered into Paine's ear.

Paine was tired of pretending not to know them, and she wanted to embarrass Rikku.

"Hey Gippal!" she called loudly, even though she was less than ten feet away.

Rikku's eyes widened. "Wh-what did you call him?"

Gippal, along with Tidus and Baralai, looked up at Paine curiously. He nodded to acknowledge her presence and said with smile, "Hey, Dr. P! What's up? Long time no see."

Baralai seemed nervous, but smiled genuinely and waved at his old-time friend.

Tidus was at a complete loss for who the woman was, but he waved. Then he spotted her brunette friend in the background and grinned.

Paine was now glad that she'd said hi. "Gippal, my friend thinks you're hot."

Gippal was suddenly serious as he looked around frantically. _Maybe my hours of gelling this spiky perfection won't go to waste,_ he thought.

"WHERE? WHERE IS SHE?" he yelled in anticipation, hoping for a model-gorgeous blonde.

Paine stepped to the side, revealing a shocked Rikku, who had been cowering behind her. "Here she is. Knock yourself out."

Upon the sight of his old girlfriend, he smirked. "Hey, Cid's girl! Couldn't stay away for long? I can hardly blame you." He flexed his muscles for effect.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please! That may work on your other empty-headed one-night-stands, but I'm a bit more complicated than that."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? I'm willing to test out some new tactics, just for you." He flashed his gorgeous, arrogant smile at her.

_Crap, he's good,_ Rikku thought.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note: Another chapter finished. Now we have to start all over with a new blank page… aww. -.-**

**Hope you enjoyed this! And remember to review, otherwise WE'LL DOMINATE YOUR COUNTRY - erm, I mean, the next chapter will come slower. O.o**

**R&R!**

**-The Talking Cave**


	3. You Saw Nothing!

**Author's Note - Um, we know it's been a while. Sorry for the delay! It'll never happen again… hopefully.**

**Things get a little crazy at the end, but we did it to make people laugh. We sure did. xD Have fun reading and don't pee your pants.**

---------------------------------------------------

Rikku snorted in disgust, turned on her heel, and walked away.

"Her loss," Gippal said with a shrug.

Baralai, seeing Paine, headed off in her direction, not quite sure how she would react to his presence. Paine saw him coming and started to walk away and they continued this system.

Yuna took Baralai's position spotting Tidus on the bench press. Tidus looked up, expecting to see his silver haired friend, but instead had a very nice view of a new brunette. _Keep it cool, man. You can do this. Just try… to pretend… she's not… there…_

Clunk.

Because he was so distracted, he'd let himself drop the giant weight onto his face. In his delirious and dazed state, he was spurred to say, "I like pickles" before falling unconscious.

Yuna knew what to do; she'd seen this on TV many times – and on Baywatch. She spit on her hands, rubbed them together, placed them underneath the bar, and lifted it up with all her strength.

Her face began turning red with the effort and one of her eyes began to spastically twitch. _Too… heavy…! _She then came face-to-face with an ice-cold reality: she could not move the bar.

Darn.

"Somebody help!" Yuna yelled.

Rikku bounced over and cried happily, "I'LL DO IT! Leave it to me!" She assumed Yuna's position in front of the bar and puffed out her chest to prepare for the lift.

Just as she was about to grab hold, Gippal shoved her out of the way with his hip. "Let a strong, godly, perfect, handsome man – such as myself – handle this disaster." He wrapped his hands around the bar and prepared to lift it.

After circling the gym thirteen and a half times, Baralai gave up the chase and came over to assist his friends and the anonymous girls. He saw Paine watching him out of the corner of his eye and suddenly had a desperate need to impress her. He stood in a Superman-like pose with his hands on his hips and his head cocked to the side, chin up, pointing toward the heavens. He declared to all humanity (or just a gym) with his newfound strength, "STEP ASIDE!"

Everybody stared.

He elbowed Gippal out of the way and took hold of the bar. He raised it up so that it was about shoulder-level with him and looked around for Paine. He had a 'LOOK MOMMY, I DID IT!' expression on his face. He looked around with a hurt expression on his face as he noticed he couldn't see Paine anymore. "Where the heck is she? She was supposed to be WATCHING this!"

"The… brunette… Need… view…" Tidus mumbled, slightly regaining consciousness.

Baralai was too preoccupied with the fact that Paine wasn't in sight to notice that Tidus had started waking up again. He accidentally dropped the bar right back on Tidus' face.

Poor Tidus lost consciousness again.

As fate would have it, Paine was indeed right next to Baralai the entire time. She rolled her eyes and said, "Smooth move."

At the sound of her voice, Baralai turned to her and chuckled nervously. Feeling incredibly stupid, he turned red and muttered, "It, uh, slipped?" _Figures._

"See, I told you. Should've let a girl handle it!" Rikku added after trying not to laugh at the two men.

"I knew you were right all along, girl," Gippal said, casually draping his arm across her shoulders.

Rikku felt uncomfortable as the memories started flooding back. She shrugged his arm off and mumbled, "Nice try."

He raised an eyebrow but didn't comment, knowing she would come along eventually – they always do.

Paine, being the only one of sound mind in the group, removed the weights from both ends of the bar, which should have been done in the first place. She lifted up the bar and said to everyone casually, "I'm going to the water cooler."

Baralai did a few fake coughs and said, "Hmm, seems like my throat is… um, parched. I'll come too."

Gippal smirked, Rikku smirked, Yuna smirked – but Tidus was too dazed to acknowledge anything. "You're using code now? Go get her," Gippal said, punching Baralai in the arm.

Paine tried not to notice and practically ran away from them all.

Tidus had just noticed what had been done to his face. "-gasp- MY FACE!" he cried, clawing at the bar mark across his nose.

Yuna jumped in, saying, "I'm surprised your nose didn't break."

"Yeah, well, I have a nose of steel."

Long pause.

Yuna looked at him questioningly. _Well… better make myself look good. Not like I need to, but just incase. (just kidding)_

"You know, I was the one who got the bar off you. I didn't know if I could do it, but I kept trying, and I finally saved your LIFE! I'm so glad you're okay!" Her eyes got all shiny.

Tidus looked into her newly-shiny eyes and said, "You're brave. I like that in a girl." He winked for effect.

Yuna blushed and sat on the floor at his feet. "I didn't catch your name."

He grinned. "Tidus – with a T."

_Okay then…_ "I'm Yuna." There was a long pause with an expectant look on Tidus' face. After several seconds she added, "…with a Y."

":D"

And they began to bond over the English alphabet.

---------------

Paine wove between many odd-looking workout machines to try and lose Baralai. Upon reaching the water cooler, she turned around and came face-to-face with the silver haired man.

"…Hi," she said, rolling her eyes and turning back around.

"That was a… uh… good idea you had back there." Baralai ran a hand through his hair nervously.

"Uh-huh."

He ran out of things to say already. "So… uh… you drink water often?"

There was a hint of a smile on Paine's face but she hid it well. "Only every five days or so."

"Oh yeah, yeah, me too." He looked like a deer in the headlights.

"I was kidding."

"Yeah, uh, I knew that."

"Well, I've… got my water now." She held the Dixie cup up in front of his nose as proof.

He snapped out of his daze. "Oh, oh, okay. Do you wanna… work out on the stairmaster?" _…How manly. -.-_

"…Why not? I'll go get my bag."

"Oh no, don't worry, I'll get it for you!"

"O.O No, no, that's –"

He was already sprinting towards Tidus and Yuna, where the three girls had dropped off their bags. He asked Yuna, "Which bag is Paine's?"

Deeply interested in Tidus' knowledge of the alphabet, Yuna waved a hand carelessly toward the bags. "Uh, the black one."

"Greatthanksbye." He grabbed it and ran back towards Paine.

Yuna snapped out of her stupor and realized what she'd done. "OH MY GOD!" She yelled for Rikku.

Rikku ran over, glad to be away from Gippal and his pathetic flirting attempts. "What's goin' on?" she asked, rocking on her heels.

"Bag. Baralai." Yuna tried not to reveal too much in front of Tidus.

"Wha?"

Yuna gritted her teeth and said, "Paine's bag. Baralai." She grabbed Rikku's arm and started sprinting towards the water jug.

Back at the water cooler, Baralai had just returned, holding the bag triumphantly.

"I, uh, need to get my watch out of the bag. So fork it over, buddy." Paine reached for the bag.

"I'll get it for you."

Yuna and Rikku appeared at the scene just in time to see Baralai beginning to unzipper the bag.

Paine lunged for it, missed, and landed sprawled at his feet.

Rikku shouted, "NO, BARALAI, DON'T DO IT!"

Yuna added, "YOU'RE NOT READY FOR IT!"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" Rikku was jumping up and down.

Baralai ignored them all and ripped open the bag, expecting to see clothing.

That was NOT clothing.

There was an explosion of padded goodness at least three feet in the air, and they all showered around him like a sea of candy – but this was NOT. CANDY.

Rikku fell to her knees. "All of our hard work… WASTED!"

Baralai slowly backed away through the piles and piles of pads. "I'll… let you ladies handle this." He began to run back toward the guys faster than he'd ever run in his life.

Paine groaned and slapped her forehead. "Can this get any worse?"

Gippal and Tidus came over, leaving Baralai at the benchpress, and asked, "What's going on?"

No one answered.

"I spoke too soon," Paine muttered. The two guys stared wide-eyed at the giant stockpile of pads.

A sheepish-looking girl poked her head out of the bathroom. She tiptoed over and whispered in Paine's ear, "Can I borrow one?"

"Knock yourself out," Paine replied.

Rikku gasped. "No! It'll cost you! THESE AREN'T CHEAP YOU KNOW."

"No, it's okay, you can take one," Yuna said, sending a glare toward Rikku.

Gippal and Tidus had heard enough. "Just leave the stuff there and let's go do something else," Gippal said coolly.

The three girls, not completely satisfied with leaving the mound on the gym floor, kicked them all into the girl's bathroom.

"C'mon, Paine," Baralai said casually. "The stairmasters are open."

"…Okay. Five minutes."

He nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. _Why is she so distant from everyone?_

After they left, Yuna smiled. "They're cute together."

"Ohhh, Painie's got a boyfriend! Painie's got a boyfriend!" Rikku sang.

"Dude. They're going on the stairmaster for five minutes," Tidus commented.

"Oh look, they're bonding!"

Everyone looked over to see Baralai laughing awkwardly at his own joke while Paine stared at him with a 'no, I don't think so' look on her face.

"True love," Gippal stated.

Tidus declared, "I'm going to the punching bag."

"And I'll head back to the barbells to…" Gippal looked over and saw a girl working out. "…to, uh, well, you know."

Gippal and Tidus left, each with different intentions, which left Yuna and Rikku standing in the middle of the gym.

"Well, since I've nothing to do…" Yuna started, eyeing Tidus, "I guess I'll just _have_ to go over… there."

And suddenly, Rikku was alone.

She glanced over at Gippal and the girl he was checking out, and felt a sudden urge to completely mess it up for him. Rikku slowly walked over and debated whether or not to actually butt in.

…

Oh yes. She wanted to do it.

Gippal didn't seem to notice her since he was so preoccupied with other matters. She stood right next to him and waited for him to acknowledge her presence. He looked at her with confusion and then made gestures for her to scram, trying to signal to the other girl that he and Rikku were not together.

"Heeeeey, Gippy!" Rikku said cheerfully with an innocent wave. Her smile faded as she looked with a straight face at the other girl. She tried to hold back her laughter as she stated, "You know he hasn't changed his underwear in three weeks." _Oh boy, this is gonna be good!_

Gippal put his arm around her shoulders with a smirk so evil it scared her. "You'd know. You've only taken them off around five and a half times."

"O.O You pervert!!"

"What? It's only five and a half because that last time we were in an elevator and we only got halfway done."

The girl had been staring at them the whole time, her eye twitching. "Uh, I'll… see you around." She stood and said, "Don't call me. Please."

After the now-disturbed girl walked off, Rikku shoved Gippal - hard. "Why'd you say that?! You big fat meanie!" she yelled, showing a look of anger and hurt on her face. _Why can't I win just once? _All she wanted to do was embarrass him, and he always followed her up with something better that pwned her ass. _Damn it. But I guess it was kind've funny…_

"I can see that smile you're trying to hide," he commented.

She huffed and turned around so he wouldn't see the smile she was holding back. "Just you wait, Gippal; next time I'll think of a comeback so humiliating… uh… you'll pee your pants."

"That'll be the day."

"You just wait! You'll see!" She was waiting to hear something from him, but there was a very long pause. She turned back around to see that he had disappeared.

She looked around to see him working out with the barbells, much like he had earlier that day. He yelled over to her teasingly, "Hey Rikku, there's a five-pounder over here; think you can handle it?" _Why am I even saying this? _he wondered. _Do I want her to come over here that badly?_

…

…_Yes._

_This is a sad day._

_I'm sure it'll pass soon enough._

Rikku wasn't about to stand for this. How dare he imply that she was a pathetic weakling! She stomped over to meet a smirking Gippal and said, "Fork it over."

Lifting it up like it was a cheese cube on one of those toothpicks, he held it out for her.

Desperate to wipe the smirk off his face, she grabbed it. She lifted it up and demanded, "Hey, this isn't so bad! Gimmie the fifty pound one!"

He said with a serious expression, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I don't recall you being the boss of everyone. Just give it to me."

"Fine, princess." He scanned the rack, chose one, and held it out for her.

"Thank you," she said with a prissy attitude, and lifted it out of his grasp.

Her whole body lunged forward as the weight pulled her over and smashed onto the ground. Gippal pointed and laughed as Rikku fumed.

As he was laughing, she attempted to throw the five-pound weight at him, but it landed a few inches in front of her as gravity dictates.

"Wow, Rikku, that's your worst attempt yet."

"No, this is!" She lifted up the fifty-pound weight from its spot on the floor using both hands and plopped it on Gippal's foot.

"Damn it, RIKKU!" He yelled while clutching his 'broken' toe.

"Awww, did it bweak your wittle foot?" She questioned with a mocking pout and baby voices.

"So you think this is funny?"

Rikku tried to respond but all that came out was laughter and the occasional snort.

Gippal smiled and lunged at her laughing form. She was caught off guard with the wind knocked out of her, but retaliated as her and Gippal began to roll all over the floor in a struggle to be on top.

People were trying to avoid the brawl that was taking place, while Yuna and Tidus were attracted to the scene. And what a scene it was.

Gippal was now tickling Rikku consistently and she squirmed to get out of his reach, making both of them slam into the wall.

There was an 'ooooo' in the crowd and Yuna gasped, putting her hand over her mouth due to her worry about her cousin.

Tidus was getting the popcorn.

The struggling pair leapt to their feet with laughter evident in their eyes. Rikku clutched her forehead where apparently she had suffered a severe blow from the wall. Gippal saw his opportunity to strike and again shoved her.

She tripped over the weight she had dropped on his foot, and landed with a loud thud to the floor._ Hey, where did that come from? –awkward laugh- Ooh yeah. _She rubbed her butt slightly and looked up to see Gippal standing in front of her.

His form towered over her and he said, "Lookie who's on the floor now. Not much of a surprise, is it?" He shot a cocky grin. _God, it feels good to win._

Rikku's little light bulb flickered on with a brilliant idea. She looked over to Yuna, who was trying to look concerned but really was focusing more on the fact that TIDUS WAS HOGGING ALL THE POPCORN.

Yuna seemed to catch on to what Rikku was thinking and showed her support by bringing out a foam finger. (Who doesn't have one of those allll the time?)

The spunky Al Bhed shot Gippal a quick glance before reaching for the bottom of her tank top. His eyes widened but still a smirk came to his face as he realized her plan. He was intent on keeping his cool, just to prove that her distraction was going to fail. _And besides, I'm used to girls having a fuller rack than Rikku's._

She _slowly _pulled the shirt over her head, revealing the lacey blue bra beneath. _Why did I buy this one anyway? It's way too tight. It's practically constricting my chest and some… other select areas._

…..

_Well, I hope it works! If it doesn't then I'm just giving everyone in the gym a free show. -.-_

The 'keeping it cool' act was slightly dwindling, but Gippal managed to at least keep a clear head.

He still stood in his standing position with Rikku exposed on the floor. He couldn't help but think, _Victoria's secret has been revealed._ Next thing he knew, he was on the ground with Rikku straddling his waist with a triumphant smile.

"YOU GO, RIKKU!" Tidus shouted.

"Hey!" Yuna said, slapping his shoulder in a joking manner.

Now Baralai and Paine had finished their five-minute routines on the stairmaster. The praetor had managed to maintain a one-sided conversation, hoping at least the warrior was half paying attention.

"What idiot is making a fool of themselves now?" Paine spoke dryly, observing the large crowd not too far away.

"Let's check it out," Baralai responded, sensing the curiosity in Paine's voice even though she tried to hide it.

Making their way over to the mass of people alike, Paine shoved her way to the front, earning the glares of many guys that were enjoying the view. She instantly wished she was in the back as she saw Rikku shirtless on top of Gippal.

Baralai stood next to Paine a short while later after tapping people's shoulders and excusing himself. He chuckled awkwardly before pulling Paine towards Yuna and Tidus.

Meanwhile, back at the fight, Rikku pumped her fist in air while Gippal tried to keep his eyes on her face. She clambered off him much to his dismay, not like he'd show it.

Gippal stood up as well and said, " I guess you won; not that you played fair. Didn't know you had it in ya."

"Well, I'm just full of surprises," Rikku stated while sticking her tongue out.

Smirking, he replied, "If they're anything like this one, I wouldn't mind."

Blushing, she quickly put her tank top back on so he wouldn't see her face. _Phew, that was close._

"Okay, people! Show's over!" Yuna yelled, waving her arms in the air.

Tidus was slightly disappointed that he was only able to finish half his popcorn. "Yeah, go back to working on those pathetic muscles."

"Did I miss something?" Paine asked.

"Sorry we got held up. Couldn't help the chemistry." Gippal walked over and Rikku followed with a flushed yet happy expression.

Rikku whistled and casually stuck her foot out. Gippal, quite ungracefully, flew onto the floor and groaned.

He sprang up and declared, "My hair is intact!" He gave everyone a thumbs-up. (Ding!)

Paine rolled her eyes and added, "Faaabulous."

Rikku giggled. "Ohhh, did I do that? Whoops!" She turned around and strode towards the door. She slammed into the overly-clean glass door, spun around, and yelled, "You saw nothing!" _DAMN THAT WINDEX! Ruining my grand exit!_

"I'm headin' out, guys." Gippal swung his car keys around his finger. They flew off and went through an open window. He slowly backed away as a car alarm went off. "You saw nothing!"

Baralai nodded goodbye to his buddies, smiled at Paine, and started walking toward the door. Out of nowhere, there was a cry of "FORRRRRE!" He froze and looked around frantically. "What the -"

CLUNK.

A random golf ball came flying from another part of the gym and whacked him in the head.

"Ugh…!" He grabbed his head in pain. _Who the hell is golfing in a GYM?! _Looking through squinty eyes, he said aloud, "You saw nothing!" and walked out before anything else could happen to him.

Tidus, Yuna, and Paine laughed at the previous 'mishaps' involving their friends.

"Not that I'm suspicious or anything," Paine said, "but I think I'd better go now." She walked out of the gym and right into the path of a mad biker.

This anonymous biker began frantically squeaking the toy horn on his handlebars but it was too late. He rammed into Paine and slammed her against a yellow fire hydrant. The force of the impact caused the top to come flying off, and water started shooting out like a geyser. Paine yelled at the top of her lungs, "YOU SAW NOTHING."

"O.O" Yuna gulped. "I think I should go…"

Tidus grabbed her wrist. "Wait!"

Yuna cocked her head to the side with a look of confusion. Tidus couldn't help but notice how cute she looked.

"Can I, uh, have your number?" he asked with puppy-dog eyes.

"Absolutely!"

There was a very long pause before Yuna asked, "Uh, do you have any paper?"

"OH!" He paused. "Well, I have a marker…"

"Okay, that's good enough." She took it and scribbled her number on his forehead. "Now you'll never forget."

":D"

Yuna walked through the door, making sure she didn't hit it and that there were no bikers headed her way. She also checked nobody was golfing. _Phew._

As she went down the sidewalk, trumpets blared and an announcer declared, "IT'S THE ANNUAL SUMO WRESTLING FESTIVAL!"

"OH MY GOD!" she shouted. She could see in the distance hundreds of sumo wrestlers charging down the street. No matter where she looked, fat guys were coming at her.

She couldn't get out of the way before she was completely trampled by the fat men.

Tidus, observing this through the window, felt a pang of pity… but not enough to jump out and get caught in the stampede.

Yuna finally stood up, staggering as she did so. Pointing at Tidus, she began slowly, "You saw -"

BANG.

She was caught in a full-on body slam. Smushed between the two obese wrestlers, it took all of her strength to finish her sentence. "- nothing."

Tidus' eyes widened. _I'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!_ He began to run for the exit but stopped himself short. _No,_ he thought, glancing around wildly. _They'll be expecting that!_

_I've gotta be cool, calm, and collected._ He casually put his elbow on a towel cart, which he didn't notice had wheels.

It flew out from underneath him and he collapsed on the floor. The cart went rolling toward the other side of the gym.

Outside, the sumo match was about to begin. All of the sumo wrestlers being in one part of the world caused a weight imbalance and a global shifting of the earth's plates. The planet slightly tilted to the right, causing everything to be on an angle.

Somewhere in the country, a common farmer was pitching the hay in the barn when he felt the ground rumble. He looked out the barn door to see all of his cows sailing across the corn field. "MoooOOOoooOOOooo!"

Back in the gym, the cart came sailing back toward Tidus and ran him over. Just when he thought it was over, the jump-up-and-down-like-a-monkey-in-unison ritual began, and the cart bounced up and down on Tidus.

_Crunch…_ "AHH, MY FOOT!" _Crunch… _"OW, MY BACK!" _Crunch… _"OW, MY ARM!" _Crunch… _"ARGH, MY SPLEEN!"

Back at the farm, the sumo wrestler's bouncing caused the pigs to fly into the air repeatedly. The farmer, also bouncing up and down, shouted, "PIGS CAN FLY!… Now they can't. PIGS CAN FLY!… Now they can't. PIGS CAN - never mind."

At the gym, Tidus was still being massacred by the towel cart. "YOU SAW -" he yelled between bounces, "YOU SAW - oh, forget it!"

-two hours, fourteen minutes, and fifty-five seconds later-

Tidus and Baralai were crashing at Gippal's house, and YRP were hanging at Yuna's. Everybody had sorted out their issues, but Tidus was still woozy.

Rikku turned on the TV and watched the breaking news story.

A news reporter that wore a very fake-looking wig said, "We interrupt this program with a special news bulliten. Citizens across the planet have experienced gravitational fluctuations and major balance… imbalances." A recording flashed across the screen of cows spinning around a corn field and a confused looking farmer.

"Hey, think any of that stuff was happening here?" Yuna asked.

There was a pause before Rikku responded, "Nah."

The news reporter continued, "The issue has been resolved, and we have received official confirmation that no sumo wrestling festivals will take place in the future. Back to you, Bob!"

Paine grabbed the remote from Rikku and shut off the TV. "This is so stupid," she commented.

---------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note - We had a lot of fun writing the end of this chapter. Please excuse us; we were high on Mountain Dew. We hope you found it enjoyable to read, but we will resume (semi) normalcy in the next chapter. (No more flying cows/pigs/sumo wrestlers/towel carts) **

**Please tell us if you think it was a bit… much. Special thanks to Parakeet for many ideas at the end. XD Tomodachi!**

**Please - PLEEEEASE - rate and review, or we'll throw a flying cow at you AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.**

**-The Talking Cave (and guest)**


	4. Do Something About the Twitchy

**AN: We apologize for the -coughlongcough- delay. Hee? Some things came up that required our immediate attention. But now there is another beautiful chapter for you to enjoy and read and enjoy and read again….**

**SilentFall: We love random toooo! Random Lovers unite! We shall try to incorporate more of the chaos/randomness into future chapters. .**

**Gunneryunax2: Your review made us all fluffy inside. We try our hardest to make the characters, well, in character! So thanks again for the motivation!**

**Kurissyma san Tybalt: Yaay hilarious! We're so glad that you think it's funny. You are awesome for reviewing and now we're hooked on your stories as well.**

**Read on, foo'!**

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-later that day, guys' POV-

"Hey man, can you read the number on my head?" Tidus asked Baralai. He'd asked Gippal earlier, but all he'd received was "Don't you know better than to interrupt my TV shows?" and shooing motions in reply.

"But you've already seen this Wheel of Fortune episode five times!"

"Ah-ah-ahhh! Hold it! Vanna White's on!" He watched her walk across the screen and tap four blocks to make the letter 'T' appear. When she disappeared again he said, "Okay, I'm good now."

"Uh, that's okay, I'll ask 'Lai."

Currently, Baralai was struggling to read the number scribbled on Tidus' forehead. The blonde kept moving and Baralai said, "Would you hold STILL?"

He read out loud, "440-789… Hey, why's this last number smudged?"

"…I had an itch. :D"

"Well, it looks to me like a 3. So 440-7893. Happy now?"

"Thanks!" He gave the praetor a thumbs-up and wandered off to take a shower.

-Gippal's POV-

"So, what's up between you and Rikku?" Baralai asked casually, flipping through the channels.

"She's hot."

"Really? Is that all?"

"Do you have EYES, man?"

"I meant relationship-wise," Baralai said, rolling his eyes.

"Eh, we were goin' out for a while."

"What happened?"

Gippal furrowed his brow in concentration. "I don't really… know. She just kinda took off one night. She said it was a 'family emergency'."

"Ah... those things happen, I suppose." He paused for a second before continuing, "And she never called you back or anything? Don't you think that's a little weird?"

"I never really thought about it before. I was kind of… involved in other things."

Baralai raised an eyebrow. "Meaning… what, exactly?"

Gippal chuckled. "Her name was Nehhea; quite a looker she was."

It dawned on Baralai why Rikku might have left. "Uh, you weren't seeing them at the same time… were you?"

He didn't answer, instead grabbing the remote and switching the channel.

"Because ya know," Baralai continued sarcastically, "girls don't exactly like that."

Gippal pressed the buttons harder on the remote. "Well, I did everything perfectly to make sure they never knew."

"Dude, that wasn't right. No wonder Rikku left and never came back."

"She never found out. And besides, I'm not exactly proud of it, okay?"

"Didn't you used to do it all the time? You probably wouldn't hesitate to do it now," Baralai said with a glare.

"Look, just drop it. I wouldn't do it again."

"You sure about that?"

They sat in silence until Tidus reappeared from the shower in his plaid pajama bottoms, his hair wet and nearly plastered to his face.

"Hey Baralai, did you happen to write down that number?" he asked while running his fingers through his blonde hair, trying to dry it.

"Uh…no. I'm not your secretary," the praetor responded, jokingly.

Tidus' eye twitched slightly. "I took a shower Baralai, don't you know what this means?!?"

"Uh…that you don't have photographic memory and you forgot Yuna's number?"

"Thanks a lot. -.-"

"Well, there was a '5' in it. Why don't you just look it up in the phonebook?" Baralai stated, as if it were completely obvious.

"GENIUS!!!"

- two hours, thirty three minutes, and twenty six seconds later -

Tidus' eye was stuck mid-twitch as he flipped through the hundreds of pages in the phonebook. _Why… didn't… I ask… for her last NAME?!?_

Gippal walked up behind him with a bowl of vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles (who doesn't love rainbow sprinkles?) and asked cheerfully, "How's it goin'?"

Tidus slowly creaked his head up to meet Gippal's gaze with a look that could scare a young child. "How's it goin'…. HOW'S IT GOIN'? How do you THINK it's going? I've looked through five hundred freakin' pages, looking for a girl's phone number, when I don't even know her last name, and you're asking me how's it GOIN'?!" His face suddenly changed into a happy I-just-won-the-lottery smile. "It's going great!"

"O.O I'll… be going now…" Gippal snuck away before Tidus could change moods like a mad woman during PMS.

He walked into the family room where Baralai was currently hanging up the phone after ordering pizza.

"What's up with Tidus?" Gippal asked.

"It's a girl – naturally," Baralai replied rolling his eyes.

"Don't be jealous just because you don't have a woman!"

"…I have my eyes on someone."

"Paine, right? How come you never made a move back in the Crimson Squad days?"

"Because I wanted to get to know her better. As you can see…" He scratched his head and finished, "I haven't progressed much since I… began."

Gippal patted him on the back and said, "Well, that's how she is. This is Paine we're talking about; she's not about to pour her heart out, spill all her secrets, and let out her inner being."

Baralai chuckled awkwardly. "Of course! I, uh, wasn't planning on any of that…"

"Good! 'Cause she's never gonna be like that."

"Thanks, buddy," he said sarcastically. He pushed Gippal playfully and grinned.

-back in phonebook world with Tidus-

"I give up! I can't take it anymore!" Tidus yelled, slamming the phonebook on the table. "I guess I have no choice…" He eyed the phone, breathing deep. "I must use… THE OPERATOR – the thing that's been around since the dawn of man! They were around even BEFORE the telephone was invented!"

Gippal walked past the doorway, not even slowing down, and said plainly, "Shut up, Tidus."

"Sorry."

-five minutes later-

"Hello? Operator?" Tidus said excitedly. "Sorry, I just always wanted to say that. :D"

"I get that a lot, honey."

"Okay, okay, I'm looking for a Yuna. Yuuuuna."

"Yuna…?"

"I don't know her last name."

"-sigh- Okay hun, this could take a while. Please hold."

"Okay oka –" Tidus was cut off by the sound of elevator music – no, no, wait, it was heavy metal.

- later that evening -

"We're hitting the sack," Gippal stated, while stretching and yawning obnoxiously.

"Hey Tidus, you've been on hold for hours. Just give up, man," Baralai told to the twitching blonde.

"I've been listening to screaming men for two and a half hours. I'm not giving up now!"

"Well… good luck then." Gippal walked off to his room and Baralai made himself comfortable on the couch.

- One a.m -

Tidus struggled to keep at least one of this eyes open, already mouthing along to the uncensored metal that had been playing in his ears for the past four hours. If there was one part of him still awake, it was his bladder. He tried to get into every contorted position with the least amount of pressure, but with no success.

"What is it that girls do when they have to pee?" He said to himself.

- Jeopardy thinking music -

"I GOT IT!" Crossing his legs like he had seen so many of his girlfriends do before, he struggled to keep the awkward position. "How do girls do this all the time? My legs don't bend this way!!"

…

"Screw it, I GOTTA PEE!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gippal was sleeping peacefully, dreaming of a beautiful blonde and himself at a beach. He leaned in to kiss her… which apparently was not the right thing to do.

She forcefully kicked him where the sun don't shine, and if that wasn't enough to wake him up from the dream, Tidus burst in with all the pride he had left.

"Gippal! Operator. Bathroom. Baaaaaaad!" Tidus threw the phone in Gippal's face before running joyously to relieve himself in the awaiting toilet.

A few minutes later, Tidus returned with the most relaxed expression he could muster. Gippal looked up to him with a smirk on his face, talking into the phone. "Yeah, Yuna. That's her. You got her number? That's great!"

Tidus could hear the heavenly chorus.

"… Well, that's okay. I don't want it anymore." Gippal stated, holding back a laugh.

Tidus dived for the phone, obviously playing into the Al Bhed's little scheme.

"Psyche!"

After Tidus flailed to the ground, he stood up and snatched the phone from Gippal's hand. "I hate you." And he slunk out of the room with a twitch of his eye.

"You should really do something about that eye," Gippal said as Tidus walked out of the door.

The blitzer gave the 'I'm-watching-you' gesture before disappearing into the darkness… No wait, there was a nightlight. Nevermind.

Tidus was on his way back to the kitchen when all of the sudden the music stopped. He looked around furiously. "The music has ceased… the silence is golden!"

The operator's voice came through once again on the phone. "Hello, were you the one looking for the three-in-one prostitute deal?"

-eye twitch- "What the heck…? What kind of operator are you anyway?"

"I… guess I have the wrong line. Please hold."

"No, wait, I-" Disco music filled his ear and he restrained the urge to put the phone in the toilet, even though he knew it would just end up plugging it. (Who doesn't like to watch the toilet overflow?)

Sometime later, Tidus being sprawled out on the floor in a very odd position, the music again suddenly stopped. He almost cried: 'Funky Town' had been interrupted.

There was a long pause on the other end before a voice asked, "Wait. Who were you looking for again?"

X.X "Yuna…. It's a very unique name. WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT RIGHT?!?"

"…. Please hold."

"NOOOOO-" Spanish salsa music began to play as steam almost came out of Tidus' ears.

It was almost daybreak by now.

Tidus worried that his dignity would be destroyed if Baralai and Gippal found him still on the phone when they woke up. He shakily reached out his finger to turn off the phone, when the operator revealed herself once again.

Tidus was too worked up after the long night to hear another one of her excuses.

"I don't care anymore! Just go to dude who wants the prostitutes!" He yelled, on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion.

"…But I got her number."

:D

"Well, what is it?"

"440-7893. Do you need anything else, sir?"

"No…thank god. Thanks for your help. AND KEEPING ME UP ALL NIGHT!" He slammed his finger on the 'talk' button.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gippal awoke from the sun shining in his window, and went to take a shower along with his other morning routines.

Baralai walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleepies out of his eyes and reaching for the box of Lucky Charms. But instead, he found Tidus possessively clutching to the box of marshmallow goodness in his sleep.

_Am I really going to interrupt his sleep for cereal?_ Baralai thought. _…Of course I am!_

The praetor snapped his fingers in front of Tidus' face. "Um… helloooo?"

"Uuuuh… you saw nothing… Wha?" Tidus woke and wiped the drool from the corner of his mouth. "What time is it?"

"Long night, huh? It's around eight." Baralai said, grabbing the Lucky Charms before Tidus could fall back asleep.

"Long doesn't even describe it… 440-7893!" Tidus yelled out the number victoriously.

"… What?"

"I got the number! It wasn't a dream!" Tidus bounced up and down like a schoolboy.

"You need sleep." Gippal said, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing a white T-shirt and cargo shorts. His hair was once again spiked with the eye patch neatly in place.

"Come on, buddy. Let's get to the couch." Baralai said as he helped Tidus up and over to the family room.

"Thanks, man," Tidus stated before falling into a coma (not literally, people).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was eight at night, with Tidus standing in front of Gippal and Baralai, who were sitting on the couch. "Come on, guys! A sleepover would be fun!"

"What are you, five?" Gippal asked sarcastically.

"And besides, we didn't exactly click with Rikku and Paine as much as you did with Yuna." Baralai stated, with a sorry look on his face.

"And that's the point! Not the being five part…" Tidus answered, looking to Gippal with a scowl, "but you guys could get connected with them more. Everyone wins!"

"Connected with them? We're not on a soap opera." Gippal said._ I guess spending the night with Rikku wouldn't be __**that **__bad. But she seemed kinda weird around me…._

"Well, we don't have anything else to do. Obviously we don't have any dates." Baralai said.

"It buuuuuurns!" Gippal screeched at the realization he was dateless.

Tidus gave a fake sob and sniffled for effect, receiving a glare from Gippal. "Come on, Gippal. Are you in?"

_Rikku… _Gippal thought, _Rikku… Rikku in pajamas… _"I'm in… I guess."

"I would like to get to know Paine more," Baralai said, "But you're planning it all. I can't do that sort of thing."

Gippal smirked, saying, "Well then how are you supposed to plan that wedding with Paine?"

Baralai turned a deep shade of red at that with Tidus stifling a laugh.

"Or you could just get her in bed and end it at that." The Al Bhed added while putting his hands behind his head.

Baralai replied, "I have a conscience." Oooh. Burn.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- YRP's POV –

"Aw, come on guys. It'll be fun!" Yuna said happily. "You know you want tooo!"

Paine gave a scowl. "Says who?"

"Me of course!" Yuna exclaimed with a flick of her hand.

"Spending a night with a cocky, arrogant jerk is not my idea of fun," Rikku replied in her defense.

"Who are you kidding? You're practically in love with him," Paine said blandly.

"Am nooot!" Rikku said, but with a hint of red on her face. "I've already been down that road, and it's all bumpy and stuff." She added, "And what about Baralai, missy? I know what's goin' on."

"Nothing is "goin' on"," she said, mocking out Rikku.

"Aww, you two are just being shy. You'll come around!" Yuna smiled with shiny eyes. "You'll come to see the heartwarming, sensitive, caring guys that they are."

"You're joking." Paine said, more of a statement that a question.

"That'll be the day," Rikku said sarcastically. But she thought, _Gippal… Gippal… Gippal in pajamas… _"Well, I guess it can't hurt!"

Yuna asked, "Paine? Are you coming too? Pleeeease! I'm sure Baralai would be disappointed if you didn't."

"… Fine." Paine said, but quickly added, "But not for him. I'm just entertained by your pathetic flirting."

Rikku and Yuna exchanged knowing glances. _Suuure._

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

**AN: That was a very uneventful chapter, mostly just filling on the strawberry cheesecake that has cool whip on top.**

…

**Well FINE if you like brownies better! We're not mind readers!**

**We shall be making the chapters shorter from now on so that there will be more frequent updates. **

**Again, thanks for reading…. And review, or we'll sign you up for the 3-in-1 prostitute deal! You'd hate that… right?**

**Don't answer that.**

**-The Talking Cave**


	5. Pedal to the Metal

**Author's Note - Sorry, again, for the long wait. We have no excuses; sue us. (Well, not really, 'cause we're broke.)**

**Aaaand now, our fabulous reviewers! Ta-daaaa!**

**Kurissyma san Tybalt- Whoo! Thank you for reviewing us once again. We'd be more than happy to share our cheesecake with you.**

**ChestnutBrumby- (Chestnut was the name of Bubble's hamster...xD) We worship the ground you walk on for leaving us three fantastic reviews. Yes, we're somewhat insane but it's alll the rage these days. Can't say we thought about Tidus in pajamas, but I'm sure he'd look stunning. xD**

**Ellie0223- Yayyy pathetic flirting! We all know flirting only makes you look stupid, but those are the moments we live for. And live to write about. Thank you once again for the lovely review!**

**Somebody's Dreamer- (For some reason, your username reminds me of 'Over the Rainbow' from the Wizard of Oz -Bubbles) Whee! A new reviewer! Everyone loves pajamas, especially the cute ones with the footsies. xDD**

**Lower your eyes to the text below this line.**

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What should I bring?" Yuna asked loudly, staring at the racks of clothes (arranged by color) in her walk-in closet.

"Does it really matter?" Paine called back.

"Well of course it does!" Rikku yelled in reply, frantically searching for slippers that would match her pajamas. "We've got to impress them, don't we?"

Paine paused and stuck her head into Yuna's bedroom. "What'd she say?"

Yuna's house was one of the nicest on her block and had two stories filled with fancy furniture, the look-but-don't-touch vases, and the garage sale items that Yuna just had to buy. The second floor had the bedrooms three in a row, with Yuna's in the middle. The bedrooms on either side were technically guest rooms that Paine and Rikku happened to have all of their clothes in - Paine on Yuna's left, and Rikku on the right.

"Yuna," Paine said while glaring at the distracted summoner. "What did Rikku just say?"

"Wha?" She spun around, holding two identical tank-tops in different colors. "Umm… I don't know, think it was important?"

"Probably not." Paine chuckled and went back to sorting through her various leather outfits.

"So… what're you wearing to impress Baralai?" Rikku yelled down to Paine.

"It's none of your business," Paine mumbled, though she continued looking for the 'right' outfit.

Rikku shouted loudly, "What'd you say?"

Yuna smirked and called through the doorway, "Uh, I don't know… something about your face?"

Rikku dropped the color-coordinated slipper-pajama combo on her bed and ran down the hallway to Paine's room. "WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY FACE?"

She blinked and looked up at the Al-Bhed. "What're you talking about? Stop embarrassing yourself."

"Well fiiiine. But I won't let you off so easily next time." Rikku squinted her eyes and gave a small glare as she slunk back in the hall to her room.

"...Right."

Ten minutes passed with the hustle of the girls as they ran around to gather their things.

"You guys, do you think I forgot anything?" Paine shouted.

"Be sure to pack your thong!" Rikku said excitedly, browsing through her own collection of lace and satin goodness.

"Wait, what'd you say?" Paine was getting frustrated with the yelling nonsense.

Yuna, who had heard Rikku's comment clearly, laughed nervously before shouting out, "She said to pack your brush, so you don't have to share!"

"...Oh. Thanks."

-Tidus' house-

Baralai made his way into the basement to the laundry area, where he pulled fresh towels out of the dryer for use in the pool. He assumed since it was so hot outside, that everyone would enjoy hanging out in the crystal-clear water of Tidus' inground pool. Maybe only half because of the heat, but half the mental picture they guys were all getting of the girls in bikinis playing chicken; either one. And since neither Tidus or Gippal were going to prepare for the Marco-Polo-water-volleyball-chicken-playing bonanza, Baralai took the initiative to do it.

As he walked back upstairs and towards the deck in the backyard, he began to drift mentally. _I wonder if Paine will even agree to come to this. I mean, if she does come it might only be because her friends forced her to. I want her to have fun._

_... Does Paine even have fun? If she does, she can sure hide it. But I would want her to show happiness. I love her smile... wait, I've never seen her smile.. But I'm sure it's fabulous!_

Tidus was on the computer, downloading music - legally of course - and fishing through an old box of CDs. He blatantly ignored the Mozart CD labeled 'Baralai' and had no comment on the Care Bear soundtrack labeled 'Gippal'.

After looking through another box containing a mix of 50's music, heavy metal, spanish salsa, reggae, children's sing-along songs, and classic italian love songs, Tidus mumbled to himself, "We can't play any of this stuff!" Frustrated, he shoved the box back into the corner and went back to look through the reasonable options.

The only CDs he would remotely consider playing were The Rolling Igneous Rocks, The Red Hot Mustard Beans, Justin Treepond, Gaa Gaa Guys, and The Fully Clothed Men. He stacked them up and carried them over by the stereo, which he would set up by the pool... eventually. He waved to Baralai and headed back inside, plopping down on the couch with a sigh._ I can't be so forward with Yuna this time... gotta be cool. Calm. Collected. Like Gippal._

As if on cue, Gippal raced into the room, waving his arms frantically. "I'M OUT OF HAIR GEL! I can't let Rikku see me like this! One side of my head is gelled and the other looks like an ungroomed poodle due for a haircut!"

_...wait, no, never mind._ "Why should you care what Rikku thinks of you? I thought you didn't care about her."

"Well, she's hot. Hot girls gotta see hot guys."

"And you're a hot guy?" Tidus asked jokingly.

Gippal narrowed his eyes. "Do not mock the hotness," he retorted, making hand gestures at his godliness.

Leaving Tidus on the couch, he went to the coat closet to examine his fabulous hat selection. _I can't leave the house with my hair looking like this! Not only would my ego drop about five notches, but I'd be a negative three on the manliness scale. Can't let that happen, now can I?_

He glanced past the beanies and baseball hats - not enough coverage for the hair. "It's gonna take more than a baseball cap to tame this mess!" he yelled into the closet. He arrived at last year's ski mask collection and picked one, slamming it onto his head.

Quickly, Gippal walked to the nearest CVS store and scanned the shelves for his favorite hair gel. Examining the different brand names available, he was blissfully unaware that fellow shoppers were beginning to whisper amongst themselves. He just ignored it.

He finally discovered the brand he had been looking for and snatched it. Three isles over, four feet to the right, and near the magazine rack, someone began talking to the cashier about the mysterious shopper wearing a ski mask.

Gippal hesitated, picking up another of his favorite kinds of gel and weighing them in his hands. "Hmm… do I use the 'Super' or the Nuclear'?" Nearby security guards eyed him suspiciously from behind a convenient Venus razor display. They glanced between each other nervously, speculating the secret code of 'nuclear'. Gippal, however, was oblivious. "This one sticks better, but this one has a better hold…" he muttered, glancing from one to the other.

The security guards were almost positive he was planning to rob and then bomb the place.

Gippal picked one and placed the rejected bottle back on the shelf, remembering that Tidus' little sleepover shindig was almost going to start. "Gotta check out; the clock is ticking."

Taking this as a sign the bomb timer had been set, the security guards moved in. They lunged for the suspected criminal and Gippal found himself among several overweight men in uniform.

One of the guards forced Gippal to his feet. "We're charging you with the following felonies: suspected thievery and attempted terrorism."

"But I was just getting hair gel!" Gippal pleaded, desperate to keep his hair crisis on the down-low.

"That's what they all say, kid."

One of the fatter men took off his sunglasses and spoke up. "I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to take off the mask."

Gippal turned white… not that they could see it. "Well I don't know if that's a very good idea..."

"Hey! I'll be callin' the shots around here, boy!" The officer poked him in the chest. "Now we're going to ask you again… Take off the mask." By now there was a small crowd of shoppers watching the scene anxiously.

"Really, this isn't necessary…"

"TAKE OFF THE MASK!"

The news had arrived in a rush, camera men setting up and the newscasters looking at themselves, ready to get the real story. They began filming in order to get every piece of the juicy report.

Gippal looked around furiously for an escape, but unfortunately there was a big fat security guard blocking the exit.

"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. Take it off or we'll be forced to use extreme measures." The officer nodded to someone and a powerful-looking man came in… holding a medieval flail (one of those spikey balls on the chain… on the stick… yeah. That one.) and several other torture instruments.

Gippal paused for a moment. "… Is that even legal?"

"… uuh…" The police looked around at each other, and a few coughed nervously.

The reporters looked around frantically and flailed their arms in the 'cut' motion. "Cut the film!" they whispered with urgency. The camera men glanced at one another and quietly answered, "We're live!"

"You idiots!" the reporter quietly yelled through a cheesy smile. The camera was still rolling, after all. Those ratings gotta stay up.

"… Do I get my one phone call?" Gippal questioned. He was going to call Rikku: maybe being a bad boy would win her over.

"No. And enough distractions!" Fed up with this funny business, and the game of 'Twenty Questions', he reached over and pulled off the ski mask with force.

The crowd gasped. A random woman screamed. A shout of 'my leg!' was heard. An eighty-year old woman screeched, "Holy shit!"

Gippal was so ashamed.

"… I guess you'll, uh, be needing this." The officer handed him the hair gel and the ski mask. "Go ahead and put that back on, son."

Another policeman on the force looked to the man with the medival flail and said, "We won't be needing your services anymore."

The guy's face fell. "Oh darnit." He dragged his spikey ball and cart of assorted weapons out the door. A little boy ran up to it and grabbed one of the torturous items. "Mommy, I want this one!"

His mother looked at him with an angry expression. "Put that down, Billy! It has germs on it!" She could care less about the fact that it would kill someone.

Gippal paid for his gel and walked out of the store, still followed by numerous reporters.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He arrived back at the house, with his hair looking once again normal and beautiful. He could hear the pounding stereo and a girl squealing, so he headed out back by the pool. He ripped open the porch french doors with a cocky grin, expecting everyone to swoon over his fixed hair - or at least acknowledge his grand entrance.

Gippal got nothing.

Tidus was in the corner of the yard, grilling hot dogs and hamburgers for the rest of them. Paine was standing nearby, leering at him to make sure he cooked her hot dog just the way she liked it - burned to a crisp. It was practically Baked Alaska in hot dog form.

By the pool, Baralai was checking the chlorine levels with Rikku staring over his shoulder. She was mesmerized by the sample of water changing color as he added the special dye.

Yuna was in a bikini in a lounge chair, sunning herself, holding one of the big silver tanning screens. She looked over to Gippal and waved, pushing her sunglasses up into her hair.

He walked over to her and sat in the lounge chair next to her own. "Hey, when did you three get here?" he asked casually, as if he hadn't just been nearly arrested and/or tortured.

"Um, about a half hour ago, maybe. We would've gotten here earlier, but by the time we'd packed everything up, it was already past noon."

Rikku bounced over and added, "Yeah! Then we had to unload everything once we got here too."

"How much did you… bring?" Gippal asked in a worried tone.

"Oh, you know, we brought the necessities…" Yuna began. Rikku interrupted, "…and enough to last us three months. Y'know, incase a nuclear bomb hit the city and we couldn't leave the house."

"Oh yes, because that sort of thing happens alllll the tiiiiime." Gippal shook his head while smiling. Tidus could be heard in the background yelling, "Grub's on!"

They all grabbed either a burger or a hot dog - Paine's was pure black - and settled around the pool, dipping in their feet. There was silence while everyone ate their meal, debating whether the food was good or not. After all, Tidus had been the cook.

The silence ensued until Rikku broke it by saying, "OHHH! Did anyone watch the news this morning?"

"Pfft, I was watching Spongebob," Gippal proudly announced.

Silence.

"Dude, he's my idol."

Tidus added in, "Larry's my man. He's strong, good-looking, and a ladies' man."

"…Are you implying something?" Baralai asked slowly.

Tidus blinked and didn't reply.

"ANYWAY!" Rikku interrupted, annoyed that they had stolen her spotlight. "A whale blew up in a city in Japan today."

Everyone looked up from their food, looking startled - or in Tidus' case, excited.

She continued, "Yeah, the Japanese pulled the carcass up the street, and they were in the middle of the city when its' intestines decayed so much that they actually exploded INSIDE THE WHALE!" At this point, she began to use hand gestures, her face alight with glee. "And then a hole was ripped in the whale's side because of the force of it, and intestines and blood went all over peoples' cars, and there was this whole big news report on it, and people got PICTURES!" She paused. "I wish I had some," she added as an afterthought.

"Do you MIND? God, we're trying to eat here!" Gippal said in disgust.

Baralai looked rather green, almost ready to hurl.

Yuna was plugging her ears and yelling loudly, "LA LA LA LA LA!" over and over.

Paine looked around at all of them, completely unfazed, and took another chunk out of her burnt hot dog.

Tidus looked as excited as Rikku. "HOW FAR DID THE INTESTINES FLY?" he shouted.

"Halfway up the next street!" she replied enthusiastically.

"Why don't we just get on to go-karting like we planned? That place next to Poobies' Pub is still open," Paine suggested.

"Isn't that the strip joint downtown?" Baralai asked. Everyone stopped and stared. Tidus' mouth was wide open and a piece of hot dog fell out into the pool.

Pointedly ignoring Baralai's question, Gippal asked, "When did we plan go-karting?"

"When you were at the store." Paine surveyed the group and asked, "Well? Are we going, then?"

Five minutes later, the group had assembled in the driveway around Gippal's Lamborghini. Rikku was amazed at how the wing-style doors opened when Gippal pressed the button on the remote.

"It's… beautiful…!" she gasped with a fake sob.

"I know… I picked it out myself." He began to stroke the hood proudly and said, "It's my baby."

There was a very long pause where everyone stared blankly at him. A bird flew slowly overhead and after what seemed like ten minutes, someone gave an awkward cough.

"Should we just go?" Yuna asked tentatively. "You guys can take this car, and us girls can go in my SUV."

Tidus examined her car for a minute before asking, "Is that a Ford Escape?"

Yuna raised an eyebrow. "Yes…"

Gippal smirked and declared, "Foreign cars are better!"

They piled into their designated vehicles and began driving toward the go-kart place. In Yuna's SUV, Paine was in the passenger seat, quickly flipping through the radio stations.

Click._ Have I told you lately...? _Click. _YOU'RE A MOTHER BEEEEEEP_. Click. _Get it shawty, get it... _Click. _Rock the boat - don't rock... _Click. _Won't you take me to funky town...? _Click. _Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent -_

"CHANGE IT BACK!" Rikku suddenly shouted.

"This one?" Paine asked, flipping back to 'Get it Shawty'.

"NO, THE OTHER ONE!"

_Have I told you lately that I love you?_

"Baaack... back... farther back... farther back..." Rikku, getting annoyed at Paine's obvious lack of radio-changing skills, lunged between the two front seats and slammed her finger on the Channel 6 button. The song was slowly fading out and the radio talk-show host began, "Well, that was 'Funky Town', the smash hit from the 80s for all you old-school folks out there."

Yuna was attempting to move the SUV back into the correct lane and ignore the several middle fingers being pointed at her from various cars. She'd accidentally swerved into oncoming traffic because Rikku had bumped her when she lunged.

"-.- Aww, I missed it. Paine, you don't do it right!" Rikku declared.

"Do what?"

"Change radio stations."

Paine, ignoring the jerky motions the car was making, raised an eyebrow. "What, Rikku, is there a technique?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yes, in fact, there is," she said confidently. "You press the button and pause... pause... pause... and hit the next button, pause, pause, pause... There's a minimum of three seconds and a maximum of five seconds, depending on what's on."

"...You have no life, do you?"

Rikku chose not to answer.

They soon arrived at the go-karting place, parking next to Gippal's car.

Rikku got out of the SUV and asked angrily, "How'd you get here before us?!"

"I have style. I know the shortcuts," Gippal replied.

Paine raised an eyebrow. "There are no shortcuts."

"Maybe they just got all the green lights," Yuna said with a shrug.

"And left all the red ones FOR US!" Rikku yelled, making a fist and waving it in Gippal's face.

"It's not our fault you obey the speed limits!" Tidus chimed in.

"So you admit that you don't?" Paine asked cooly.

"AHA! A confession!" A passing overweight cop ran over and slapped a ticket into Tidus' hand, grinning triumphantly. "Next time, THINK BEFORE YOU SPEED!"

As the cop waddled away, Tidus handed the ticket over to Gippal and said, "Here ya go!" with a goofy smile.

The group went through the gate and waited by a pop machine while Yuna bought the tokens. When she returned, she handed out the tokens and said, "Let's go karting! Get it? We're going karting... on go-karts!"

There was a long silence before Baralai laughed loudly. "I get it now!"

He received several stares from passerby, and they headed towards the waiting go-karts. They were lined up in two rows, all different colors. Yuna immediately hopped into a pink one, and Tidus sat in the kart next to her. He looked up to see a fuming Rikku staring down at him.

"Um... can I help you?"

"You're in my car!" Rikku replied angrily.

"...No I'm not."

"BUT I WANNA BE NEXT TO YUNIE!" she shouted in his ear.

"WELL I WANNA BE IN THE FRONT!" Gippal yelled out of nowhere.

"WELL NO ONE'S STOPPING YOU!" Rikku screamed at him.

He blinked. "Oh, okay," he said, and got into the front most car.

Rikku turned back to Tidus and glared menacingly down at him. "MOOOOVE NOW, BUSTER!"

Gippal yelled from up front, "There's a seat right next to me, babe," while gesturing to the seat of the kart next to him.

Tidus jumped out of his kart and scampered up the row. He plopped down in the kart Gippal and grinned at him. "Hey there, Gippal honey."

Gippal rolled his eyes. "Not you, idiot."

Rikku, meanwhile, yelled, "SCORE!" and sat in the kart next to Yuna.

Paine didn't give a crap where she sat, so she just went in a kart next to some random guy.

Baralai was stuck next to a five-year-old who was repeatedly picking his nose.

The worker guy was standing in the middle of the track, holding his checkered flags in the air.

As a voice came over the announcement system to tell them all the rules, Yuna said cheerfully, "Let's just have a friendly race!"

-lap five-

"PEDAL TO THE METAL!"

Tidus screamed the racing phrase as he swerved around the corner, cutting off Gippal, who promptly honked his horn. A machina hand shot out of his steering wheel and gave Tidus the finger, saying in a robotic voice, "Ha. Haha. Ha." Every time Gippal honked the horn, the machina hand would appear, insulting anyone who passed him.

In third place was Paine, who was cruising along with a blank expression. Another person began to pass her, and her blank expression immediately changed to a game face. She pressed a convenient red button next to the steering wheel and metal spikes popped out of her wheels. The driver next to her had no chance to get away before she moved close enough to shred his tires. He spun out of control in circles, screaming like a little girl, and broke through the fence onto the highway. Cars honked, beeped, and swerved to avoid him. His high-pitched scream shattered windshields everywhere.

In fourth place, Yuna's knuckles were white from her grip on the steering wheel, sweat pouring down her face. The five-year-old pulled up next to her. Yuna glared at him, proceeding to ram into his kart and speed ahead of him. Before the five-year-old had time to recover his mom yelled cheerfully from the sidelines, "Smile, Billy!" He attempted to act natural, smiling at the camera, but the flash was just too much for him on top of being rammed. He was blinded by the light and swerved uncontrollably, crashing on accident into Baralai.

Baralai had been rolling along, pretending he was actually driving on a real road - he was even using bike turn signals. He was completely innocent when the five-year-old attacked.

Rikku barely missed the Baralai/little-kid collision. She didn't even look back - casualties weren't her problem. Her big problem was that she was dead last.

"Hey, Rikku!" Tidus said as he passed her, a lap ahead already and on his sixth and final round of the track.

She grit her teeth and flipped open a panel by the steering wheel (these are some souped-up go-karts). She grinned at the button labeled 'nitro boost' and slammed her finger on it. Jets of flames shot out from her go-kart's muffler as she sped down the track, leaving big black marks on the pavement. She finished her fifth lap, passing Paine - her speed ripped the silver spikes off the warrior's wheels - and catching up with Tidus and Gippal. Rikku pulled ahead, cackling like a maniac. "YOU LOSE, SUCKERS!"

She failed to realize that her car, as a result of the nitro boost, was pooping out. The finish line was five feet away when the kart screeched to a halt, its engine dying.

Tidus and Gippal exchanged glances. "WE STILL HAVE A CHANCE!" Tidus yelled, a manic grin on his face. Gippal pulled even with him, sharing the same creepy grin. Every few seconds they took a quick glance at each other to make sure the other person wasn't ahead.

Rikku paniked. She kept trying to throw her body forward to inch the kart closer to the finish line. Tidus and Gippal were closing in on her, and Rikku didn't have time to waste. She jumped out of her car and started pushing it, glancing over her shoulder at the guys' progress.

With one last burst of energy, Rikku shoved the kart over the finish line and collapsed onto the track as everyone who had survived the chaotic race drove past. She stood and, realizing she'd won the race, she began to do her victory dance. A bored-looking worker came over and handed her a glass trophy.

She stared at it, glancing between the trophy and her friends. Gippal and Tidus were trying to look unimpressed, Yuna seemed modestly happy for her cousin, Paine still had the blank expression, and Baralai was practicing his parallel-parking, happy to be alive.

Rikku grinned at them all and shouted, "IN YOUR FACE!"

Smash.

In her moment of glory, Rikku had raised the trophy over her head and brought it crashing down like a football touchdown.

"-.- Aww, poopie."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note - Hope you liked it. Even though we took so long, we like it, at least. xD**

**It was...somewhat eventful. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?!**

**Now wait while we come up with a catchy 'you better review' phrase.**

**Wait...for...it... -light bulb turns on-**

**Pleeeease review, or we'll enter you in the most unpleasant go-kart race of your young life. And if you're lucky you'll get the one with the evil machina hand.**

**-The Talking Cave**


End file.
